Posted 7:52 PM by George
One day our present White House resident G.W.Bush
mysteriously dies choking on a peanut. His soul
arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see
a politician around these parts, so we're not sure
what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says
Dubya. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders
from the Man Himself: He says you have to spend one
day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must
choose where you'll live for eternity." "But, I've
already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven." "I'm
sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator
and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The
doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless
sky, the
temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a
beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his
dad...and thousands of other right wing politicians
who had helped him out over the years: Karl Rove, Dick
Cheney, Jerry Falwell....The whole gang is there...
everyone laughing...happy.... They run to greet him,
hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had
getting rich at the expense of the "suckers and
peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then
dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty
drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Dubya!". "Uh, I
can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Junior,
dejectedly. "This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat
all you want
and not worry, and it just gets better from here!"

Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the
Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who
tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks,
kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real
horns. They are having such a great time that, before
he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a
big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and
heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again
and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to
visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So
for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of
thoughtful, good-natured people who enjoy each other's
company, laugh with good will, and look out for one another.
Not a crass, winking, cursing
joker among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the
food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And
these people are all middle class; he doesn't see anybody he
knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some
kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'we are all beloved in His sight'
and 'do unto others' jive. "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to
himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then,
you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now
choose where you want to live for eternity." With the
'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background,
Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I
would never have thought I'd say this - I mean, Heaven
was real sweet, but just didn't seem to be my kind of
place - I really think I
belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of
the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic
industrial waste.. kind of like Houston. He is
horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags
and chained together, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags. They are groaning and
moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The
Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his
shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya,
"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and
a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar...drank
booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody
looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles
slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning;
today you voted for us."